


wish I'd been a teen idle

by kageyamasmilkboxhehe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Angst, Anorexia, Aobajousai, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Band Fic, Bulimia, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dancing and Singing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Music, Kageyama Tobio Angst, Kageyama Tobio Needs a Hug, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Karasuno, Kitagawa Daiichi, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Azumane Asahi, Mentioned Matsukawa Issei, Mentioned Miya Atsumu, Mentioned Takeda Ittetsu, Mentioned Ukai Keishin, Music, Musician Semi Eita, No Volleyball, Protective Kyoutani Kentarou, Rare Characters, Rare Pairings, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Singing, Suicidal Thoughts, Tanaka Saeko is a Good Sibling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageyamasmilkboxhehe/pseuds/kageyamasmilkboxhehe
Summary: TW, THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN MENTIONS OF S*1C1D€, AN*R€X1A AND OTHER SENSITIVE TOPICS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.King of the court, the tyrant, this is what most people think when they hear the name Kageyama Tobio. Who would have ever thought that the oh so confident setter was struggling behind the scenes, that his life was shitty and the anger he showed was to cover up what he thought of as weakness?And what happends when said boy quits the sport that was once the only thing on his mind?What will become his new passion?
Relationships: Aobajousai Volleyball Club & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Azumane Asahi & Nishinoya Yuu, Hanamaki Takahiro & Iwaizumi Hajime & Matsukawa Issei & Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei & Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shouyou & Yachi Hitoka, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kageyama Tobio & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime & Kyoutani Kentarou, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio & Kageyama Tobio's Family, Kageyama Tobio & Kindaichi Yuutarou & Kunimi Akira, Kageyama Tobio & Kitagawa Daiichi Volleyball Club, Kageyama Tobio & Kyoutani Kentarou, Kageyama Tobio & Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou & Kunimi Akira, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou & Oikawa Tooru, Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi & Sugawara Koushi, Takeda Ittetsu & Ukai Keishin, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 51
Kudos: 260





	1. The past and reasons

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfiction and chapter like ever, so please don't be mean. English isn't my first language and I'm still a teenager, so my writing isn't the best. Either way I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> wattpad @officialsimpxanime (this fic is crossposted)

**Word count: around 4410**

The sound of choking and vomiting was covered up by the running tap water in the bathroom. Kageyama Tobio was really getting sick of this routine, but he couldn't stop either. There he stood on his knees, hunched over the dirty toilet in the more abandoned part of the school. His throat was sore, and it burned like hell, no matter how many times he went through this process, it still hurt. It felt like fire was burning him slowly from the inside, mixed with a lot of acid, while also being stabbed in the gut over and over again. As much as the setter would probably love going back to being able to enjoy food without counting the calories of every single snack or meal he was given, the desire to be perfect in every aspect was much stronger.It was moments like these that made Kageyama think through his whole life story, trying to find what the hell he had done wrong. How had it come to this?

_Tobio had always been a pretty talented child, being born to play sports. Although he had never been the smartest, but he still did his best. His grades hadn't been straight A's like his parents wanted in the beginning, but B's and C's. So he worked hard, like he did with volleyball, till most of his grades had been raised. Miwa, the dark haired boy's sister, had always been clever, so he tried to be like her, since his parents seemed to be proud of her. His father and mother's expectations were very high, and if he didn't become the child they wanted him to be, he'd be deemed useless. Kageyama didn't want that, ever since he was little he'd been afraid of loneliness. Being completely alone, with no one to talk to, look at, was terrifying to him, he was already ignored a lot by his family, he didn't want them to leave._

_This is how Tobio's addiction with being perfect started, from the fear of being abandoned. You'd think after his grades got better his parents would be satisfied, but of course they weren't. The worst part was, they wouldn't even tell the petite boy what he was doing wrong, how he could better himself. Desperately, the boy tried to fix any bad habit he had, he started doing all the chores, studying and practicing more, but it was no use. They retorted to ignoring his presence even more than they already had been, pretending he wasn't even there. Every time they did look at him, it was with disgust. As if he was no more than the dirt under their shoes, as if he wasn't their own son. And the worst part was, he didn't know what he was doing wrong, what made them hate him so much. Was Tobio really that bad?_

_Kageyama would be lying if he said it didn't break him, that it didn't make his heart shatter into thousands of pieces that would probably never get put together again, but he couldn't show that. After all, "You're supposed to be a man! You can't show such foolish emotions as sadness, you stupid boy! You're a disgrace to our family", mother had said when he cried after breaking a bone for the first time. The boy had only been four years old._

_At the age of eleven, his parents left. They moved to another country, specifically the United states, claiming it was for work. Tobio wasn't stupid, he knew they were trying to escape him, get away from him, he was a disappointment to them. The responsibility now lay on his grandparents shoulders, which in a way made him happy. They were much nicer, they never hit him for getting lower than a 95 on a test. Grandmother made the best food, and grandfather helped Tobio practice volleyball. It had been grandpa that introduced him to the sport in the first place, at the age of seven._

_Volleyball had quickly become his support beam, his distraction back when he lived with his parents. It made him feel slightly better about his family, about the household he lived in. But even if it helped a little, the pain was still overwhelming. It had still made him scream into his pillows, with tears running down his chubby cheeks, it had still made him claw at his skin with his sharp, well cared for nails. Kageyama found physical pain easier to deal with than emotional. Most of these issues decreased when he moved in with his grandparents though, thankfully. Otherwise, he might have worried them to death, and Tobio didn't want that. Because unlike his parents, he knew they cared, they showed it, they touched him lovingly, hugged him, kissed his forehead before bedtime, they even gave him head pats._

_\-------------------------------------------------_

_A year passed, living with his grandparents, and it was great. The growing boy was finally experiencing a normal childhood. He was happy, going to school became enjoyable as well, now that he did not have to worry as much about the expectations his parents had set for him, that had been nagging his brain in every single lesson before. Alhough his grandparents were happy with him getting a passing grade, the past thoughts were still present, even if it was in the back of his mind. Because no matter how kind grandma and grandpa were, he was still afraid he'd disappoint them, that they'd leave him too. But he was getting better, and they understood and respected his feelings, which made it a little easier as well._

_When elementary school was finished, Kageyama started junior high, he went to a school named Kitagawa Daiichi. At first, it had been very scary, since the boy did not know anyone in his new school, he was afraid that he wouldn't make any friends. But then he met Kindaichi and Kunimi. They had known each other since the age of 6, and felt that Kageyama was a little like Kunimi, introverted, so they approached him. The three boys also bonded over volleyball, Kindaichi doing most of the talking. Together, they joined the volleyball club, where they met their senpais Iwaizumi and Oikawa, who was captain, Iwaizumi being the vice captain._

_Since Kageyama played setter, he quickly started admiring Oikawa. His senpai was amazing at setting and serving, and while the younger boy could only practice and repeat to get better at sets, since he knew the basics, he needed someone to teach him a jump serve. Normally, he would have asked his grandpa, but grandfather was getting tired. He was pretty old after all, and it was shocking he had been able to teach Kageyama to this point of time._

_Having no one else to turn to, Kageyama turned to the one player he knew could do a good jump serve, Oikawa._

_"Um, Oikawa, could you please teach me how to serve?" the first-year had asked, after mustering the courage to talk him. But Tobio could tell by the look in his eyes, that Oikawa wasn't happy about his request. So he quickly apologized and went back to setting against the wall. Maybe his upper classmanwas was having a bad day? He could always ask next week._   
  
_So when next week came, Kageyama asked again, but would always get the same response. "No, go bother someone else" Oikawa would say, with a scowl on his face. Much to the captain's dismay, his junior never gave up. As if he didn't have enough to stress over, now the junior he was scared would take his place as starter setter with his incredible talent, wanted to learn the one thing that made Oikawa better than him. So for obvious reasons he would not teach it to him. But this wasn't something Kageyama was aware of, so he didn't give up, something he would come to regret._

_It was a cloudy day, but no rain. The squeaking of the gym floor and volleyballs hitting it could be heard. Practice had ended a few minutes ago, but Kageyama, Oikawa and Iwaizumi wanted to continue for a while longer. Oikawa was serving, explaining all the balls that continued to hit the floor. Though Iwaizumi wasn't present at the moment, having gone to the bathroom. Kageyama was growing bored with practicing receives, so he did the only thing that came up in his mind, ask Oikawa to teach him how to serve. With a volleyball in his hands, he jogged up to Oikawa, with a small smile plastered on his face, and asked the question he had already asked a dozen times. "Oikawa sir, please teach me how to serve" he asked, politely but still with an excited tone._

_Oikawa was having a bad day, his sets were off, as were his jump serves, so when the little brat came up to him, asking that god damn question again, rage filled his mind, making him loose control of himself. The stress, mixed with rage, the fear of being replaced, made him see red. Why couldn't the kid understand he wasn't going to learn a jump-serve from him?! Couldn't he ask his parents or someone else, why him, was he trying to make fun of him? Was the boy trying to shove the fact that he was better in the taller boy's face?_

_Before both of them knew it, the younger boy's senpai had his hand raised, his eyes looking at Kageyama with the same look his parents had, disgust, it gave him memories he would much rather live without. And then, a loud smack was heard. Anyone who had seen Oikawa's serves, would know he was strong, it looked like the serve he preformed would tear one's arms off completely. His sharp nails didn't make it any better either. Pain, that was the only thing the kouhai could think and feel for a moment. It hurt it hurt it hurt. His cheek stung, blood running down slowly, dropping to the floor, making it dirty. The nails had dug into his skin during the slap, scratching him. But Tobio did not cry, he squeezed his eyes closed, biting the inside of his cheek hard. Well, it was still not worse than the hurt his parents put him through. Bowing, the boy apologized quietly. "I'm sorry, Oikawa, goodbye then" his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. He then ran off to the locker-room, changing from his gym clothes to his school uniform._

_After a few minutes of staring at the ground, the older player seemed to realize what he had just done, regret taking over every inch of his body. As if on que, Iwaizumi walked in, looking confused as to why Oikawa looked so upset. "What happened? Does your knee hurt? I told you to stop overworking yourself, idiot!" yelled Iwaizumi, but Oikawa didn't insult him back. That made Iwaizumi's worry escalate even more. "Oi, talk to me, what happened? Is it that bad you can't even talk?" Tooru looked up, tears and guilt in his eyes, his fists were clenched, hiding his nails that had a bit of blood on the tips. "Iwa, I-.. I- HIT HIM, HARD, OH MY GOD..." For the first time in months, the setter let himself cry, collapsing against his childhood best friend. He tugged at his friends t-shirt, which was getting wet by his tears. "You hit him, who? And why the hell would you hit someone, you're an upper-classman for fucks sake, did this person provoke you or what?" Iwaizumi asked, obviously a little dissapointed, but he still had that caring tone, that showed he'd always be by Tooru's side no matter what. "T-tobio! He asked me to teach him the serve again, and I've been so stressed lately, I let my feelings guide me and oh my god I messed up!" he cried out. Of course, the spiker was mad, but it was clear that his best friend regretted it and needed some comfort, so that's what he did, comfort him._

_Kageyama had made it home, thankfully he was alone in the house, so he could clean up the wounds and bandage himself up without having to worry about his grandparents finding out. If they asked why his cheek was covered in band-aids, he could simply say he fell very hard while practicing. He could never tell anyone what the person he looked up to did to him, it would ruin Oikawa's reputation, plus it had been the young setter's fault, right? If he had been less annoying and had taken a hint, this would have never happened. He was the only one to blame. But that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to be upset about it. Couldn't his favourite upper-classman have been a little... nicer about it ? He understood he could be hard to stand sometimes, but a simple "No, stop asking me, seriously I don't want to teach you, I've told you this already, leave me alone" would have been enough. Sure, the boy hadn't listened when the captain had said no before, but a longer response was more serious, which would make Tobio listen. He hated to admit it, but he was now scared of his idol, like how he had been scared of mama and papa. With the memory of being hit for the first time in over a year replaying in his mind, Kageyama forced himself to go to sleep, even if it was only 07:30 pm._

_The next day, Kageyama didn't show up to practice, which made Oikawa feel even more guilty than before. But on Wednesday, the boy came back. The problem was, he was different, he no longer asked Oikawa to teach him serves, not so surprisingly enough. Why was it bothering the starting setter so much? This was what he wanted right? Why did he feel so empty, as if something was missing? Kageyama was avoiding him and Iwaizumi like they were the plague, which made Tooru's stomach sink. At the end of the day, he confronted the boy himself._

_"Hey Tobio, why aren't you talking to me?" Oikawa said, trying to sound normal. He was not ready for the huge flinch, and the way his junior looked at him, with fear written clearly in his eyes. Fear of being hit again. The senpai almost flinched himself from the look of pure terror. Before he had the chance to even start an apology, coach announced it was time to end practice, which had Tobio running out the door, not even bothering to change this time. Cursing under his breath, Kitagawa Daiichi's captain turned around, to help the others clean up the gym._

_The first year of junior-high went by pretty fast, with Kageyama avoiding everyone except Kindaichi and Kunimi. But when second year rolled around, he didn't have to continue doing that anymore, since Oikawa and Iwaizumi had graduated. Making him the starting setter as well. Under the school break, he had also learned a jump serve by himself. Everything was going great, the team was good and everyone seemed happy._

_But of course happiness is off limits for Tobio. In the middle of his second year, the person who showed him the beauty of volleyball suddenly passed away. From a heart attack, they said. It couldn't be helped, they said. The day grandfather's death was announced to Tobio, was the day he started changing. He barely went home anymore, the place that had once been so comforting to him. Why, you may wonder. Because of all the memories of his grandfather, and the sobs of his grandmother, who was grieving. As much as he did want to help, grandma had made it clear she wanted to be alone for the time being. So Tobio went to school 2 hours before lessons actually started, and went home at 08:00 pm almost every night. The two family members, although living together, almost never talked to each other anymore, they didn't see each other much either. Since Kageyama woke up so early, he ate alone, and when it came to dinner, he ate the meal much later than his grandma._

_Guilt was eating him from the inside, maybe if he had gone home earlier that day, he could have called an ambulance for grandpa... maybe if he wasn't so selfish, grandma would still have the love of her life by her side. It was all his fault for staying at the gym even after practice ended, like he always would, and he didn't know how to deal with it. "Remember Tobio, feelings are weak, you cannot cry, you are not a girl, you have to suck it up" the words, spoken to him by his father, very similar to mothers, echoed in his head everytime Kageyama felt tears build up in his oh so blue eyes._

_This was how the king of the court was made. Trying to become better at volleyboll so his grandpa could be proud while mourning his death. But also listening to the words of his manipulating parents, the boy, not wanting to show sadness, turned his pain into anger. This anger, he took out on himself at 3 am every night, while sitting on the cold tile floor in the bathroom, with a blade, blood dripping from his thighs. It was nice, watching the red liquid escape from the thin but deep cuts. He took it out by restraining his eating, so he could at least be in control of something, since his feelings clearly didn't want to cooperate. Counting every calorie of the one meal he ate a day also took his mind of things, even if only for a few minutes. But soon enough, due to being the perfectionist that he is, as well as his very short temper, he found himself lashing out on his teammates as well. "Jump higher" "Do this faster" "Stop being lazy", were basics in the boys vocabulary. The smallest mistake made him pissed. It wasn't kind, his personality had done a whole 360, he knew that, but what other choice did he have? If he actually opened up, he'd be weak and they would probably leave him either way. And his parents, although still in America, would be dissapointed and lecture him, because they would probably find out in some type of way._

_Even if it hurt to see his team turn their backs on him, to see them start ignoring him outside of practice, Tobio could not bring himself to stop, because the pain in his heart, in his soul, was way to bad to confront by himself. Hte boy was trying to convince himself he was in control over his emotions when he wasn't.He just wanted someone to notice his suffering, to ask why he was turning into a monster, but obviously no one did. His coping methods were just seen as plain abusive, it was shocking he had not gotten kicked by the coach yet. That was probably because he was the best player among them at the moment, Kageyama knew this deep inside, but still, maybe that meant he cared?_

_\---------------------------------------_

_Kageyama was foolish, to have ever thought some random coach would give a slightest shit about him. The only reason he had stood out with Tobio for this long was because of his skill, he saw the boy as a tool to win. But since that failed miserably, he had gotten benched after being humiliated infront of hundreds of students from different schools. What was weird, was that he did not feel upset or embarassed. He didn't care, there was no feelings towards the incident, it was numb. Sure, there was a lot of pain, but that wasn't from the match he had been abandoned in, it was from penting up his real emotions for so long. But that pain had been with him so long he was used to it, he could hide it even if it hurt like a bitch._

_Tobio had always been afraid of being abandoned, so why did he not care? The answer to his own question would probably be that he had seen it coming, and not much could upset him at this point. Maybe it was because he was also starting to grow tired of the sport, it brought back memories of his grandfather, who would probably be just as dissapointed in him as his parents had been before leaving._

_Taking a deep breath, the setter knocked on the door to the teachers lounge. Soon enough, the door opened, revealing the person Kageyama was looking for. Coach looked surprised to see him, but then again he had been skipping practice ever since he was benched. "Uh can I help you Kageyama?" the older man asked, probably expecting an apology for his behaviour._

_"I just wanted to give this back, sir" Tobio's monotone voice answered, handing the volleyball coach his uniform, that had been behind his back this entire time. Now if the man hadn't been surprised before, he surely was now. His eyes widend as he realized what Kageyama was hinting at._   
_"But you can't possibly leave with your talent, the team won't be the same. If this is about what happend that day, I'll punish the rest of the memebers for doing what they did, just don't leave-" the coach offered, but Tobio's decision did not waver._   
_"I'm sorry coach, but that isn't an issue, I'm leaving because I chose to, not because of that day." the way he spoke clearly showed there was no point in arguing, and even if the old man had tried to it would not matter, since Tobio was already walking down the hallway._

_Later that day, coach walked into the gym, seeing the players already practicing, they seemed much happier without "the king" being there. That did not mean the loss was a good one for them though, since the rest weren't as talanted in his opinion._   
_"Everyone gather around, I have something to say!" The team quickly surrounded the man, wondering what was going on, it wasn't often he would do this in the middle of practice._   
_"Well as you know, Kageyama hasn't been showing up for practice in a while" the man began, making some of the members roll their eyes._

_"I found out the reason today, he has officially left the team."_   
  
_Now, the team should be relivied, everything had been going great left since the king's absence, especially for Kunimi and Kindaichi, who had been friends with him. Since they had been close with the boy when no one else was, it hurt them the most when he became an asshole. No one said anything, shock being evident in the expressions of the boys, as well as the new aura in the room._   
_Even if this was what they probably needed, it was still a little sad. Not anyone in the whole team thought he would actually leave permenantly. They thought he would come back after a few days, either with the same additude they despised, or maybe he'd apologize. This was not what they had been expecting, what they had planned. But there was nothing they could do, so might as well enjoy it while they can. At least the ones going to Aoba Johsai were going to make the best of the time left at Kitagawa Daichii, since Aoba Johsai was also the highschool Kageyama would go to, they'd meet again._

_For the remaining time of the third-years last semester in junior high, the ex-mates of Tobio only saw him in the classes they had together. No where else, not during the 20 minute breaks, not during lunch, not even in the mornings or after school ended, but they didn't make an effort to find him either. In Kageyama's opinion, it was a good thing, since it would have been much harder to hide the fact that he hurt himself in various ways if he had to actually socialize. It would be hard to hide the dozens of scars that littered his skin, Tobio had started cutting places other than his thighs after he quit the volleyball team, so now it was his wrists, arms in general actually, lower legs, shoulders and side of his waist as well. Not that the team would care, Tovio knew they wouldn't, but they might have snitched on him if they knew, to make him suffer. Or just for the funs of it, who knows?_

_Even if he didn't have to worry about having a good diet and body for sports anymore, he continued starving himself everyday. If he did eat, he threw it up only minutes after he had consumed it. Water was the only acceptable drink, and an apple a day was the maximum amount of food he'd eat, that he didn't throw up directly. Wanting to be perfect had never left his mind, even after all these years._

Which is exactly why he was in his current postion right now. The vomiting had finally stopped, thankfully. Kageyama cursed himself for drinking that yogurt, knowing he'd have to go shove his fingers down his throat later. But it had been so tempting! The last lesson made him hungry for some reason, and since the teachers had all stopped paying any attention to him, he could get away with eating in class, or rather drinking in this case. So when he saw the yogurt that was originally for his grandmother, peeking through his bag, he couldn't help himself. Oh well, at least he learned a lesson.

With that, the boy flushed the toilet, watching his puke quickly dissapear, new water replacing it. He rinsed his mouth, trying to get rid of the disgusting taste that was left in his mouth, a taste that he would never get used to, as well as washed his already ice cold hands with cold water and soap.  
When he opened the locked door, he was greated with an empty corridor. How long had he been there? Oh well, the less people the better. The sun was setting, Kageyama made his way out of the school and toward his house, his schoolbag resting on his shoulder.  
  
School was finally over, he could rest. Because let's be real here, did you really think Kageyama Tobio would go to his graduation after everything that has happend?


	2. A random day, or is it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summerbreak has recently started, what will Kageyama do during it, having no friends and all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to chapter two! This is a little, happier chapter I guess? I wanted some fun stuff since this fan fiction isn't only going to be sad stuff, even though most of the tags are- well, but more angst is coming due time.Please do ignore all the typos, I didn't have the energy to read this through because it's like 1 am rn.  
> Also, thank you so much for all the hits and kudos I got on the the first chapter, I wasn't expecting anyone to read it so thank you thank you thank you.  
> Enjoy!

**Word count: 4123**

Golden rays made their way into the dark room, located in the basement, though it did not warm it up at all. A groan escaped the black haired boy's mouth, because once again he was tired as hell. He just wanted to sleep all day and night. It was either sleeping all the time or not at all when it came to Tobio's sleeping schedule. Not sleeping at all had been the case till the last school day. Now that Kageyama could actually stay up late, his body didn't want to, but when he did have school, his body didn't let him sleep for more than maybe 4 hours a week, good job body.  
Tobio's eyes clenched shut, it was way too bright for him, even if the sun had not yet rose completely above the horizon.

To add to the now light filled room, the blankets Kageyama was wrapped in were so warm and comforting, while the rest of his room was cold and unwelcoming at the moment. Then again the room was always unwelcoming in the mornings. Scratch that, everything was unwelcoming and annoying in the mornings.  
There was one thing the tall boy hated more than school, which had thankfully ended a few days ago, and that was mornings. If mornings did not exist, maybe Tobio would have been able to enjoy life a little more than he was.

Why Tobio did not like mornings was unknown, or rather there were multiple reasons that could be the right one, maybe all of them or some of them. It could be because it reminded Kageyama he had to go to school with no sleep, when he was still in school that is, or that he would have to live yet another day in his shitty life. Maybe it was because the light that was so bright in that point of the day, seemed like it was taunting him, showing that he would never be able to have it.

If it had been a few years ago, Kageyama would probably have sold his soul to experience light, not sun-light or anything like that, but just light in life, something positive. And since the normal sun-light made the light in life that he had once wished for come up in mind, it annoyed him. Darkness was the only thing Kageyama had known before he basically got adopted by his grandparents. Then they dissapeared as well, and it was at this point Kageyama started to stop caring about everything, including himself.  
Although only grandpa really died, grandma lost herself, to the point were she couldn't even look at Kageyama anymore without crying. People would say it was because he looked like grandfather, but he himself could not see the resemblance. Sure they had the same eyes and hair, but that was it.

Grandma's mental health got so bad, she stopped staying at home. Instead, the old woman would go sleep over at her friend's house, who also happend to be a past therapist. When grandmother did come home, she would just stay in her bedroom for a few hours before going back to the friend's house.

Kageyama was basically living alone at the age of fifteen, but he didn't mind. Being alone was something he had always enjoyed, he was more of a lone wolf, in his opninion at least. Sure, sometimes he wished he had someone to talk to, but that was normal after not speaking a word to anyone for months. It wasn't that he wanted friends, he just wanted to use his voice, in some way. Screaming into the pillow like he had done in the past would probably help, but he couldn't really do that since he, you know, had neighbours. And unlike when he was a child, he was aware of it now, he had not even thought about his neighbours before, but he did now.

Plus, the darkness that Tobio had once despised, was more welcoming than the light now. But either way, he would have to get up even if he did not want to. It wasn't like the boy would be able to fall asleep again, the light was only getting brighter, even if it was gradually.

With a final sigh, Tobio got up from his curled up position and threw off his five blankets, the cold air hitting his scar-filled legs and arms, as well as his neck and face, which was covered by the dark hair Kageyama had not cut in a while. A headache was coming, he could tell, there was a pounding building up in his head, though it was light.

Slowly, Tobio started walking out of his room and towards the small bathroom across the basement hallway. The door was already opened, so he just made his way inside and removed the blue shorts and black t-shirt he had been wearing for the past two days. He left the clothes on the ceramic flooring and got into the shower, adjusting the now running showerwater to be hot enough to make his pale, dead looking skin red and maybe sting a little, but not enough to give actual burns.  
Most people would use cold water to wake themselves up, but Kageyama was cold enough already, and he despised the cold so very hot water would have to do.

It took about fifteen minutes for the boy to succesfully remove all the dirt on his body, all the dried up blood from the cutting sessions he had sometimes every week, or even everyday depending on his mood.  
His hair didn't really get oily very fast, so the only thing that took a long time was brushing out all the knots that had formed.  
The feeling of being clean was something Kageyama had missed, and it wasn't like he didn't shower everyday on purpose, his body justs didn't cooperate sometimes.

After he had cleaned himself up, he went back to his room, with a red towel around his hips, and found some new clothes. This time it was black sweatpants and a purple hoodie, with a pair of black socks because it was still cold according to Tobio. Yes, it was summer and most kids and teenagers were wearing shorts and tanktops, or even going swimming. But the lack of food in his system, made him feel cold almost everywhere, some places more than others. If he had enough blankets he could feel the warmth his body missed, but that was pretty much it.

The kitchen wasn't that far away from his bedroom, considering it was on a whole different floor. Thankfully, it was also hotter on the first floor, but that meant it was lighter as well. Kageyama's eyes had gotten used to the brightness a long time ago, but that still didn't mean he enjoyed it though.

Not having his grandmother around really changed his diet, he hadn't ate a lot even when she was in the house and sometimes cooked for him, so imagine what he eats now. Kageyama had replaced the one apple a day to noodles a few times a week.

His appetite was growing apperently, because when he saw the cup of uncooked noodles on the counter, his stomach made a rumbling sound even though he ate noodles yesterday. One side of his mind was screaming at him.  
 _"Don't eat you stupid cow, you have to be perfect! You can't do anything right, so at least control your diet!"_  
But the other side was saying the opposite.  
 _"No one cares, eat what you want, people already judge you, you didn't care about volleyball so why care about eating some god damn food. Just eat you need it."_  
Like every other day, the cruel and self-hating side won, so he drank a bit of water instead, before going in to the living-room to get his phone, that was charging.

10:21 am, was what the the device's clock showed, so it was still pretty early. It was also the day of the graduation party, wasn't it? Well, since he had nothing to do, he could go on a walk, try to find some new hobby, since he quit the one thing he was not completely shitty at. With that in mind, Kageyama Tobio walked out of his grandparents house and started a slow walk around the city.

———————————————

The sun was shining brightly, standing out against the cloudless, baby-blue sky. People gave the boy weird looks, as if he was some alien from another universe. Of course Tobio couldn't completely blame them, he was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants on a summer day, when the rest of the teenagers and adults that were in town wore shorts and croptops, some even wearing swimsuits as they were headed to the beach that was nearby. But still, was it his fault he would be cold otherwise? A little, but still, it wasn't like he had chosen to be obsessed with his weight. In his mind he didn't really care, mostly, but somehting about the control was satisfying.

Since it was about 29°C, heat had made it's way to Kageyama, so the sun combined with the thick and oversized clothes kept him very warm, it was nice. As he walked, he stared at the sky for once, mumbling the name of a bird he knew every time one or more flew across the endless blue. He wasn't starring down at the ground, watching his every step, like he did usually, mostly when in school, going to school or going home from school. Otherwise he wouldn't even step outside of his house.

But now that he got to experience the fresh air surrounding him, the smell of flowers and other plants, as well as car gas and food coming from the resturants and cafés in his home city, Tobio regretted staying holed up for so long. No more worry clouded his m _ind for the time being, no thoughts like "Will they hurt me?" "Stay low so they dont harass you" "They'll hurt you if they recognize you, hide"_ were present.  
You see, when he was at school, as you know, he avoided everyone. He tried being as small as possible, never looking up, having bad posture, but being over 180 cm made that hard. Hoodies helped more, when having his hood up, people didn't always know it was him, not being able to see his face and all. And the ones that did, ignored him.  
That wasn't important right now though, the peace he was feeling was.

As the walk continued, something caught Kageyama's eye. He was at the end of the first street, and there was a volleyball gym located only a few 35 meters from the parking lot in front of the last shop, or first if you were coming from the opposite way. The players that practiced there were adults and collage students who didn't play at their own school, sometimes, although very rarely, a highschool student could be seen playing too. Kageyama remembered this place from the last time he had been walking here a few months ago, why he had been out was unknown to him, but it did not matter. He had seen a boy, about his age or older, who looked aggressive and emotionless at the same time, like him, just one a higher level with anger maybe. From the looks of it, the very short haired boy had just finished practicing that day, sweat shining from his forehead, his gym clothes still on. The two boys had made brief eyecontact, before going back to whatever they had been doing or were going to do.

The memory wasn't what stopped Tobio in his tracks, it was the once abandoned building behind the gym. He did not remember it getting renovated and opening up again, so it must have been quite recently. White, new colour had replaced the dirty blue, the windows had also been changed since they were no longer broken. The roof had been cleaned, but the other changes weren't as visible, it was pretty far away and the sun got in his eyes. So, Tobio being curious and all, jogged a little closer, there weren't that many cars passing by on the road he had to cross so he wouldn't get ran over.

When he was about 6 meters from the clean looking building, he was able to read the cursive text that was located above the tall entrance door, that he could now tell had also been changed just like the windows. It was now a silver colour, with small glass windows on the top, but they were blurry so you couldn't see what was inside.   
The purple name plate had the text "Music house". That seemed to grab Kageyama's interest, since he did enjoy music a lot, it distracted him from people when he was at school, so he rarely took them off. At home he would connect his playlist to his speakers, having enough volume to keep him satisfied but still not disturb the rest of the neighbourhood. His grandmother's absence made this possible, since he did not have to worry about her getting annoyed by his music. 

Although he wasn't the best at playing instruments, he would always be humming quietly to himself when one of his favourite sings started playing if he wasn't in a public setting. Singing didn't sound that bad, and he was in need of a new interest or he would grow mad out of boredom, if he kept up his "sleep, watch anime, read manga or whatever, sleep again" life style. While all those were fun, having something new that he had never tried did sound a little more exciting. Singing could also cure his urge to scream, even if the song was a calm one.  
Tobio's music taste was.. a little bit of everything. One day he could be listening to a singer that screamed their heart out, the next day he'd be listening to a soft song about love and heartbreak.

An urge to walk into the building to see what it was about, if he could find anything that would make him want to stay and try this new interest in singing had suddendly popped. The urge was strong that it almost made him walk up to the door by himself, the only thing stopping him was his insecurities once again, just like this morning when he wanted to eat.  
 _"Don't do it, you'll make a fool out of yourself. You cannot sing, you will sound terrible."_  
But this time, for once, he ignored those thoughts. Tobio wanted to do this, he wanted to try, he didn't care if he sounded bad. Music was a form of art, and the young teenager had used art as a way to express his feelings before, drawing specifically. It had been a hidden hobby that he only did when he felt extremly down, usually done on his arms with a ball-point-pen.

A smile formed on his rosy lips, a small one, but it was still there, as Kageyama stared at the two-story house. The same pink colour that was on his lips, could also be seen across his cheeks, making him look more alive than he had in months. It could have been the hot sun that was now in the middle on the sky, or it could have been because he wasn't thinking negatively, or both.  
  
  


Slowly, Tobio stepped forward, towards the slightly taller door and reached his slender hands towards it, one now resting on the round door-handle and the other getting ready to knock. Taking a final deep breath, determination in his blue eyes, the boy knocked three times on the metal door. A few seconds of complete silence went by, before some muffled shuffling and footsteps could be heard, indicating that someone was there.

The door opened, revealing an average height, confident looking woman. She didn't look that much older than him, maybe a few years, a young adult most likely. Blond hair rested above her shoulders and honey brown eyes looked at Kageyama, shock being visbile but she quickly recovered from the surprise.  
"Well hello, have we hired you or something?" The shorter woman asked loudly, but still with a kind tone.  
"Eh.. No, I was just wondering what this place was, it caught um.. my attention I guess? Is it not open yet? If so I apologize." Tobio replied, unsureness floating in his voice as he rubbed his nape with the hand that had previously knocked. Talking had never been his thing, especially not now since he hadn't really had a conversation with anyone in a few weeks or more.  
"Oh no no no don't apologize, it is open, I can tell you about it if you want just come right in ! It's just that we haven't really gotten that many visits, and definantly not from people your age, so it shocked me a bit."

The tall boy stepped in and took of his shoes when he noticed that the kind lady wasn't wearing any, he then glanced around the room he was in. Light yellow walls were painted with some random graffiti designs from the looks of it. Towards the left wall were a few sofas and chairs, as well as tables. To his right, in the middle of the wall, was a desk, with huge bookshelves behind it, leaning towards that wall, stacked with books, music albums and..movies? He couldn't really tell.  
On the wall in front of him, there was a TV more to the left, and a door that was more to the right. Overall it looked really cozy and a welcoming smell of cookies was spread out.

"You seem to like it, this is the hang out place, and if you wanna borrow a room to train in your musical skills, you do it at that white desk. Usually we have Momo there, but she's on some date I think. And by the way, my name's Tanaka Saeko, nice to meet you!" The woman, who's name was apperantly Tanaka, said exitedly.  
"Kageyama Tobio, nice to meet you too Miss Tanaka" replied the boy and held his hand out.  
The two shook hands quickly.  
"Oh come on, drop the honorifics, just call me Saeko I like it better, in the Music house we're like a family, since there aren't too many members. Even I got a job here very recently to make some extra money, but now I could come here with no pay because it's great!"  
"Okay, then you can call me Tobio if you want. It does look very nice here, I hope to learn something new." The awkward feeling in Kageyama's chest was fading away, this lady was really nice, she didn't seem faced by his bad talking-skills and led the converastion easily.

"Well, Tobio, let me show you around, though we can't go up the the second story, that's were some of the founders live. But let's go!!!" From what it seemed like, Saeko was exited to finally teach someone about the Music house, she had said the didn't get many visitors so it made sense.  
The duo walked towards the green door Tobio had seen, and the older woman opened it. They walked into a hall that was pretty wide, it had six doors on each side and one at the end.  
"The door at the end is to the bathrooms, that even include bathtubs that are HUGEE. The rest are to the different music rooms we have available right now. We are debating on fixing up the basement as well. Oh and you said you wanted to learn something right? Let's go to one of these rooms and talk a little about music, I should have the keys somewhere..."  
Saeko dug around in her jean pockets till she found the keys, and then opened the door closest to them, which was obviously the one with number 1 one it. Shoving the key inside the keyhole, she quickly opened the door and stepped in, Kageyama following.

The air was colder in the music room, an AC located in a corner, but Tobio didn't pay it any mind, instead admiring the beautiful room with dark wood flooring, black walls, posters from animes a little everywhere. But most importantly, the various instruments that lay untouched, glittering in the light coming from the window on the wall opposite the door. In the middle of the room was also a microphone, which made the teenager realize why he was here in the first place, singing.  
Saeko sat down on the floor, gesturing with her hand for him to do the same, so he obeyed and sat a meter or two away from her.  
"Ok Tobio, why do you want to learn more about music, is it something recent or something you've had in mind for a while? Could it be that you lost interest in something you've done up until now?" She asked, leaving Tobio dumbstruck. She figured it out that quickly?

Kageyama didn't like talking about his feelings, he didn't want to be judged, but something about Saeko's aura convinced him she was trustworthy. It shocked him that he was even talking to her, because back when he had friends, he hadn't been able to have conversations like these even with his closest mates.  
"Yes, actually.. Since I was a kid I always loved volleyball, I started learning it at a very young age and played whenever I had free time. Then an incident happened, I made a huge mistake because of it I guess, and decided it wasn't healthy as of right now, who knows what'll happen in the future, but right now... I want to try something new. And to answer your other question, I've always loved music, just never tried it out" Sighing at the end of his explanation, the boy looked down at the floor.

"Volleyball huh? My brother plays that, I think I know about that mistake, he told me about it... King of the court thing right?"  
Kageyama's heart started beating faster, his breath hitched. He wasn't expecting her to know this quickly! Now she would hate him and he would have to leave-  
"Tobio, I don't judge you for it, I think it's obvious you went through something that no one helped you with, that's why that happend. You said an incident caused it right? You seem very kind right now, so it's clear that wasn't permanant. Everyone makes mistakes, we are human."  
"I-.. Thank you, Saeko." The small smile he had worn before coming over to the Music house building was now back again, while the woman was grinning proudly.

"It's the bare minimum, you're just a kid, I'm 21 and I still make mistakes. Anywayyyy, what are you interested in when it comes to music, like do you want to play an instrument?" Changing the topic was a good thing, because Tobio didn't really want to think about that whole volleyball mess even if it was positive stuff.  
"I was actually thinking singing, it sounds fun and I haven't used my voice in a while"  
"Want to give it a try? You can even use the microphone! No one's here so only I will hear you, and if you din't want me to hear you I can just leave the room, the walls here are soundproof."  
Saeko made her way to the microphone ,turning it on and testing it a few times with her hand and voice.  
"I'd love to, and you can stay as long as you aren't too close to me." And here it came again, something with Saeko that was different from others, because no way in hell would he have sang in front of anyone when he knew he sucked, but the blond was and exeption even though they had only met a few 20-30 minutes ago. In those minutes she had managed to get Tobio to not only talk decently, but also open up even if it wasn't in detail.

He held the black mic in his hand, it was lighter than expected. As Kageyama admired the device, Saeko connected her phone to the speakers in the corners of the room, before hadning her phone over to the boy.  
"Pick a song any song" She smiled brightly.  
Tobio opened spotify, poundering over what he should chose, he had many choices, which was the problem with having so many favourite songs. In the end, his anime-loving self chose one song, gave the Iphone back to the young adult and swallowed loudly.  
How would this turn out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that! I don't know if I'll be able to post another chapter next week, since I'd like chapter three to be as good as I can get it, I rushed the end of this chapter, again. Hehe sorry. Hope you liked it tho!  
> Also, a little queation, who could the guy that Tobio made eye conact with have been? I think it's pretty obvious but yk :)


	3. You..understand?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who would have known singing a song could bring all of this shit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back, sorry I took so long! This chapter is shorter than the others but oh well  
> Enjoy I guess, and THANK YOU once again for all the kudos and comments it keeps me motivated!

**Word count: around 2670**

Nervousness had settled in every part of Kageyama Tobio's body, his throat felt especially sore right now even though he hadn't thrown up in a while, having been too busy laying in bed to eat anything, not eating meant not vomiting. The boy's hands shook lightly while holding the microphone, if he was being completely honest with himself, a part of him wanted to back out or tell Saeko to leave.

But Kageyama couldn't bring himself to tell the woman who was giving him the opportunity to use his voice as a coping mechanism, even if for only a few minutes, to leave. Even if deep down he knew she wouldn't be mad or see it as a bad thing, Kageyama would feel way too bad. If the worst were to come, he could always hope she would't tell anyone that he sounded like a dying whale on land crying for help.

Meanwhile Saeko was smiling at the song choice, she hadn't expected the young boy, that had such a serious expression, to like anime. Let alone know _this_ song and show, but she wasn't complaining either, now she could rant about it to someone that would hopefully listen and not daydream like the other members that worked in the Music house.

The young adult could tell that Kageyama was feeling a little uncomfortable by her presence, but wasn't saying anything, probably out of guilt. Past her could relate, back then she had also been pretty nervous to try an instrument, in case she embarrassed herself for life. In the end it had been worth it, so Saeko wanted Kageyama to feel that same relief, she wanted him to fall in love with the art of music just like she had, after she had quit football at the age of 13. The experience of preforming in front of someone at an early point would also help, if the boy ever decided he would want to continue singing in the future.

A familiar melody started playing through the speakers, startling both of them a little even though they had seen it coming. Saeko looked up from her phone and met the ocean blue eyes of a boy she shouldn't feel so attached to, they had met only a few minutes ago after all. But the big sister part of her wanted to protect him, because the air around him, his aura, his beautiful eyes all showed suffering and pain now.

She wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't mentioned the volleyball incident, since it was when Saeko had mentioned the word "king" that a few of his walls had broken down, even if for only a few seconds. She had thought it was weird she couldn't pick up what mood he was in as easily as she could with others, but that moment explained most of it. After he had let down his guard once, Saeko could figure out was he was feeling easier, his aura was easier to understand.

It scared the oldest Tanaka sibling that Kageyama was so good at hiding his true emotions, it reminded her of herself, since she was also crazy good at hiding and reading emotions. Being able to read emotions came with the "hiding my emotions for years" period she had gone through after she quit football, similar to how Kageyama was now after quitting volleyball.  
  
  


Tobio took at deep breath, knowing that the singing part was coming, and finally let himself let go for once, the break he deserved. He let his heart guide him, his voice as he opened his mouth and moved the microphone closer to it.

"Mada.. Toke kirezu ni nokotta" (Just like.. Snow that hasn't completely melted)

The blond had to stop herself from gasping, it felt like she was watching Given for the first time again. She remembered her reaction to Mafuyu's performance, she had balled like a baby.  
Of course, she wasn't expecting the black haired boy to be terrible, but she had not expected him to be extremely talented either. Although it wasn't just the talent when it came to singing that shocked Saeko.  
It was the raw emotion in his voice, the clear suffering, the clear sadness, the need of relaxing mentally, that he had apparently not been able to do until now.

"Hikage no yuki mitai na"  
(In the shade)

Never in a million years would Tobio have expected to feel this feeling by just singing a few lines from a song he had listened to god knows how many times. Nothing had cured the empty pit in his soul, cutting almost every part of his body that was not visible with different sharp objects like razors, knifes, sometimes even broken soda cans he found in random places, only helped for a few moments. He had tried so many different methods to try and soothe the pain, ignore it, but he couldn't find anything.  
  
This however, made time slow down, made emotions he hadn't felt in such a long time appear. Emotions he didn't even know he missed, satisfaction and...happiness? Could it be happiness? Kageyama was not even sure himself what the second one was, he just knew it had to be a positive feeling, but he could not put a finger on what emotion it was specifically, not that it mattered a lot.

"Omoi wo daite ikiteru

Ne.. boku wa kono koi wo... Donna kotoba de tojitara ī no~"  
(I continue on with these feelings inside me  
Please tell me how I'm supposed to close the door on this love~)

Yet another smile graced not only Saeko's lip gloss covered lips, but also Kageyama's. This was heaven!  
Tanaka was having a blast, listening to the angelic voice of what was supposed to be a beginner but sounded better than a lot of professionals. She made sure to remember that she was going to re-watch Given once again, possibly with Kageyama if he wanted to, and maybe even with the rest of the Music house if he was comfortable doing that.  
Tobio's grip on the black mic had loosened a little, and they were not shaking as badly as before, which was a sign of progress, it showed he was enjoying this.

"Anata no subete ga,  
ashita wo nakushite,  
eien no naka wo,  
samayotte iru yo.  
Sayonara dekizu ni,  
tachidomatta mama no  
boku to issho ni"  
  
(Your everything has lost its tomorrow, and is now wandering around eternally  
Along with me, who was able to say goodbye or move on)

Confidence was slowly growing as Kageyama noticed the pleased expression on the older woman's face. The fact that she was paying attention to him, she wasn't looking away like his parents had whenever he wanted to show them something new he'd learned. At the same time as his confidence grew, so did his emotions, the masked emotions he'd been carrying all alone for so long. It was like everything around him was blurry, while his feelings became louder in his head, pounding loudly and wanting to be let out. The boy didn't even notice how the oldest Tanaka sibling had taken out her phone and started recording him.

"Mada.. Tokenai mahō no yōna"  
(Just like, a spell that still won't break)

His throat started tightening again, not enough to affect his performance a lot, but it was a little uncomfortable. Like he was losing the control he desired so dearly.

“Soretomo noroi no yōna  
Omoi nimotsu wo kakaeteru  
Ne~e, boku wa kono machi de  
Donna ashita wo sagaseba ī no~”  
(Or some kind of curse  
I'm still holding on to some heavy baggage  
Hey, what kind of tomorrow,  
Am I supposed to look for in this town)

Tobio could almost feel the control slip through his fingertips, into the cold air surrounding him. It was weird, he couldn't decide if it was nice or horrifying, or both. Although it did feel like his heart was lighter, his mind was heavier. Before he could stop himself, a heart wrenching yell-like sound came out from the depth of his soul.

Saeko didn't even have to look at her bare skin to know that there were thousands of goosebumps spread across her tan skin. That scream was beyond anything she had ever heard, sure she was pretty new to the music world, but that didn't make it any less shocking. It took every last bit of self-control to not drop her phone that was still recording. Both of their fingers were trembling, though at this point it wasn't just Kageyama's fingers that were shaking, his whole body was.

As the song took a break from the singing and lyrics, the ragged and strained breaths of the setter were in reality not that loud, the melody covering most of it, but Tobio could here them as clear as ever. Saeko could tell from how his chest was moving up and down in an uneven pace that he was tired, emotionally and mentally. Even if he had only let go for a couple minutes, his mind was not used to being free, his heart was not used to being free. It took a toll on him, it was not that easy to recover from whatever damage that had tainted this boy , Saeko knew that better than anybody.

It was obvious that continuing the song would not help, so the blond unconnected her phone from the speakers and turned it off. Quickly, she stepped towards Kageyama and tried to get eye-contact with him. It did not take that many tries, because even if he was distracted he could sense her presence. She gave him a small smile and a look that asked " Can I touch you?".

The next few seconds were followed by silence, the gasps for air being louder without the music. Slowly, he nodded, it felt right, it was what his heart told him to do. Stange, the fact that he was suddenly listening to his heart when around this woman was strange. Not that Tobio regretted it though, because the feeling of her shorter figure wrapping her arms around his tall but slender figure was something he would and could never forget. It was a warmth of a mother, or rather what a mother should feel like, what his child self had wanted from the person who has birthed him, created him.

As he fell on his knees, he returned the hug, letting his tears fall on the shoulder of Saeko Tanaka, and eventually her lap when he landed on the sooling ground with a small thud, Saeko following in his footsteps. The duo just sat like that for a moment, in the middle of the room, Tobio letting his touch-starved self get some deserved love.

"It's okay, you're safe, I know how you feel, you'll be okay" were the phrases the shorter woman repeated in Kageyama's left ear, it gave him chills. He found himself focusing on not only the sound of her even heartbeat, but quiet voice too, they both had a calming effect on him. Even a little similar to the feeling he had felt in the beginning of the song. The only difference was that he was not letting out his feeling with his voice, but rather crying, he had been using only his voice before, now he wasn't using it all. A loud gulp was heard before he was able to answer, his voice wavering slightly.  
"Thank you"  
A sad smile this time, instead of a totally happy one, lay on her lips.  
"It's no problem, I'm glad I could help" 

And she really was glad she could help, even if just a little. That was what she had needed back in the day, when she had quit football. They had thought she was too aggressive, when really she was just frustrated at herself for not being able to be good enough, she had not been able to catch up to the rest of the team. Back then, Saeko had been filled with both anger and sorrow, but after some time she got over it. It did take a few months, or years the exact number wasn't popping up in her mind at the moment, but the development was very much needed for her to become the best version of herself.   
  
It's improvement that Tobio needed, not that she thought he had been bad before, but whatever he had gone through would make him even better. Maybe it could teach him to not give a fuck about what other people think or say about him, as long as he's happy. Music would probably help to, when he got more comfortable being open with himself and others, because she had not missed the pure joy he showed before the small breakdown. 

"Saeko.. What did you mean when you said"I know how you feel?" asked Tobio suddenly, looking at her with his head tilted.   
"Well.." she wasn't sure if she should share her story, but then again it would probably help the boy a lot, knowing someone understood him. That had been one of the issues in Saeko's development, no one understood why she felt the way she did, no one had been in a similar situation.   
" To put it quite plainly, in the past I also had a sport I adored. I played football, it was the only thing on my mind back then. But then, I started getting left behind, I couldn't improve like the others. So I became rude, I took at the frustration I felt towards myself on others and eventually got benched, which led to me quitting" that explanation made Tobio, just as Tanaka had predicted, seem more chill, like the wall he had up was let down once again, but not completely of course. At the same time he looked shocked, like he wasn't expecting someone to finally understand and accept him, which he hadn't expected for that part.   
  
"At first, it hurt, I missed football but hated it too. I don't how long it took me to get over it, but I did. Music was also what helped me, having a new interest that i could focus on, instead of thinking about what i could have been if I was better at teamwork and just better at the sport in general. To this day I still like football though, I play it every once in a while with the rest of the people here, for the fun of it. I have a feeling you can become like me too, a better version of yourself. I can tell you're not the most happy person, that you've been through a shit ton of stuff, but I can also see that you just need some support. And I want to be that support if you'll let me" with that, Saeko's rant ended. 

If Kageyama had not been shocked before, he sure as hell was now. It was a lot to process, a lot of words, and him being new to these whole long conversations and stuff did not help. But he could tell his heart was once again lighter, like before, his mind felt lighter too.   
"You really are amazing"   
"I know I am, but so are you, Tobio" Saeko winked before getting up from the floor and putting out her hand, which Kageyama took and got up as well. He rubbed the tears that remained on his face with his sleeve.   
"Well that was a lot, I hope I'll be able to get you to fully open up one day"   
"I'm sure you will, I mean you got me to open up today, more than I have in my whole life, you should be proud" replied the past-setter. 

The door, that had previously been shut close, was softly opened by a red haired woman, who had short hair, but it was much shorter than Saeko's. Her eyes, that looked at them with confusion, were a dark green colour.  
"Am I interrupting something or- I can come back later-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of making the chapters shorter, like 1000-3000 words, because it stresses me out to make chapters that are 4000+, I've said this before but I am very young so I'm not perfect. I also want to get to the main plot faster because this is going very slowww and I have so many other ideas for fanfics that I want to write. Idek how many chapters this story will have, but eiher way I hope you guys liked this chapter and will continue to enjoy the future updates As always, leave your opinions in the comments, if you have any suggestions you can comment them too! Also forgive me if the translation for the song is wrong, I just took it from the anime scene yk, I'll blame it on crunchyroll.


	4. More meetings?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With some of Saeko's friends being back in the Music house, Tobio has to get to know even more people. How will everything go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little late, I was a little distacted yesterday and forgot to post this but it's here now! I know I said I was going to make the chapters shorter, and I am, but since I had a school break I had more time to make a longish chapter, so I hope you like it!  
> As always please correct me for any spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes, I'm only a young teen who has english as her third language so I'm not the best as I've mentioned before :/

**Word count: around 4100**

Saeko and Tobio's heads snapped towards the other woman, who had her hand placed on her nape, looking embarrassed and awkward at the same time.

"I really do apologize for disturbing whatever is going in here- uh I'm just going to head out now-" she stuttered, it was obvious she thought they were.. more than friends to say the least. She turned around and started walking out, but was stopped by the blond, who had figured out what her friend was thinking.

"Wait, I swear it's not what it looks like, he's a minor, he's like my little brother you know-" Saeko tried to explain, the feeling of embarrassment having spread to her too. Not only because of what the red head had clearly thought about the duo, but also because she had just admitted to seeing Tobio as a brother even though they met today.

Something clicked in Kageyama's head as he also understood, a light peach colour spread on his cheeks, though he ignored it and quickly went over to the unknown woman, who had her hand on the door frame.  
"My name is Kageyama Tobio, sorry for intruding" the boy spoke, politeness in his now smooth voice.  
"My name's Momo Kimura, just call me Momo, no honorifics needed" the short haired woman replied, it reminded Tobio of how Saeko had introduced herself, both had told him he didn't need to use honorifics. So he repeated the same thing he had said to Tanaka.  
"Then you can call me Tobio, Momo"

Momo turned to Saeko, who had also gotten closer to her.  
"Where'd he come from?" she asked, referring to why he was in the Music house in the first place, while tilting her head to the right.  
"Oh he just wanted to check the place out, thought it seemed cool" Saeko said as she brushed some dirt off from her knees.  
"I think he wants to continue coming here, right Tobio?" Now the attention was on him, he had been a little zooned out trying to analyze Momo. He had still heard her though and answered with a nod, which made Saeko very happy, showed by her toothy grin.

"When I tell you this boy has talent, I mean it! He'd never like _sang_ sang until today, like no classes or stuff like that, only a few times at home. This was his first time singing in the "pro way", but he still sounded like an angel sent from heaven, you really missed some good stuff" she continued to Kimura, who's interest had grown when she heard he wanted to continue his visits.  
"Really? Maybe he can join our practice and stuff, we do need a vocalist, don't we? The others are back in the lobby, so he can meet them too"

"Well that's even better, and I did record Tobio's little performance if they need proof. If I'm being completely honest it probably sounds better in real life though. Is that okay with you, Tobi? That I show them the video, I'll cut out _that_ part don't worry"  
Kageyama didn't really know how to respond, the nickname had thrown him off track for a second, but if Saeko thought he was good then why not, he didn't have much left to lose anyway. The thought hurt a little but it wasn't like it was a lie either.

What was he going to lose? His mother? Already left. His father? Also left. His grandfather who was his only father-figure since his real father was a piece of shit? Dead. His grandmother who was his mother-figure since his birth giver also was shitty at her job? Lost mentally and could barely look at him. His friends? What friends? He didn't have any, except for maybe Saeko, who was the one asking. His reputation? Already ruined thanks to the whole "king of the court" incident. The only issue was that he would be extremely ashamed if he sounded bad, since he was not confident in his "singing skills".

"-io? Tobio? OI TOBIO SNAP OUT OF IT"  
Oh, the boy had apparently lost focus again, being lost in thought really made him lose track of time.He opened his eyes that had been shut closed unconsciously. Tanaka was shaking him a little, but was not yelling anymore, while Momo stared at the ceiling waiting for this to end.

"Sorry about that I got distracted, it's fine Saeko I don't mind" he answered plainly. With a relieved sigh, the blond muttered something among the lines of "thought you were gonna decline" under her breath.

"Great! Let's go to the other members now"  
With that Kimura quickly walked out the room, with a little bounce in her step, a habbit she had from her childhood.  
Saeko and Tobio followed, not wanting to be left behind, Momo could walk very fast, it was basic information according to the blond, who was also skipping in the halls now.  
The black haired teen was the only one walking calmly, his arms swinging slightly by his side. His long legs made sure he didn't get left behind.  
The way the two women walked, the happiness and excitement in their steps was contagious, made Tobio feel lighter and more ready to meet whoever "the others" that the duo had mentioned were.  
  
  
  


The lobby seemed brighter somehow, in the sofas and chairs that had previously been empty sat and lay another girl and a guy, chatting freely. Maybe the room wasn't any different when it came to lighting, but their soft and chaotic laughs certainly brightened the mood.

The one lying on the sofa had ash blond hair, different from Saeko who had a more yellow tone, along with darker tips. He had a familiar face, but Kageyama couldn't bring himself to remember where he had seen the male, he was sure it had something to do with volleyball though, since it was clear in his mind that he had not went to Kitagawa Daiichi. And what else had Tobio done beside volleyball?  
The brown eyes that belonged to the slightly older boy were looking at the third woman Kageyama had stumbled upon today.

She had big green eyes, which were looking back at the other guy. Just like the boy and Saeko, she had blond hair. How many members had blond hair, were there even more people that weren't here at the moment? The thought of more people made Tobio's head ache a little.  
In the past-setters eyes, it was evident she was not completely Japanese, if she even was Japanese, she could be from another country in Asia. But her features showed that she was also from a country outside of Asia, Kageyama wasn't observant enough to know for sure exactly where, maybe Europe, northern Europe? Something among those lines.

As he looked at her outfit, he noticed something that everyone had in common, excluding Tobio himself, they were all wearing black and white.

The green-eyed girl was wearing a black and white dress with stripes, her sneakers were white too.

The ash-blond guy had black cargo-pants, black platform-sneakers and a white t-shirt. The t-shirt had a picture of some manga cover that Kageyama did not recognize.

Momo was wearing a black tank top and oversized mom-jeans, that were shocker shocker, white, they were wider at the ends so you could barely see the shoes, but they were black from what Kageyama could tell.

Last but not least, Saeko was wearing a cropped button-up sweater vest, it was white and gray. Similar to Momo, she also had mom-jeans on, though not a pair that were wide, they were also shorter so the black platform boots she had on were very much visible.

Black and white were very likely to be the non-offical bands "main colour", they symbolized the band.

The other duo seemed to have noticed them, finally, as they looked at Tobio with squinting eyes, as if they were also analyzing him.  
"Who's this?" the girl asked, while the boy just continued staring, it seemed as if he was glaring even.  
"The name's Kageyama Tobio, call me Tobio" he answered for himself, for the third time this day.  
"Oh, well nice to meet ya, name's Semi Eita, you can call me by my first name" the brown eyed male said with a smirk.  
"And I'm Haiba Alisa, you can also call me my first name, Alisa!" the green-eyed women spoke again.

From the tones of their voices, Tobio could guess what type of people the group were.  
Momo would be the more responsible one, she seemed like she'd be the one to apologize if they did something wrong, that caused inconvenience for others, but as seen a few minutes earlier, she wasn't the best at it. When apologizing she was awkward and nervous, but otherwise she was just like any young adult, maybe a little calmer than others, but still energetic.

Saeko was probably one of the more trouble-making people, even if she had been nothing but nice to Kageyama since they met. She seemed like a very exited person, who would do anything for her hobbies, but would also do fun stuff for no reason. He couldn't see her doing anything extreme though, no one in the room probably could. Along with being a little rebel like, she was also very comforting. If you had problems she would probably be the one to talk to. The way Tanaka had calmed him down showed just that, and she had experience herself.

Eita was the sarcastic one, no doubt could be found in Tobio's mind. The tone he had in his voice when he introduced himself showed that, the playful smirk added to it. He was also probably annoyed or angered more easily than the rest, and competitive. He was good at masking it, he could very easily fool someone, making them think he's stoic and calm when he isn't.  
Now that Tobio knew his name, he recognized the male. Semi Eita played at Shiratorizawa, as a setter, and he was a good server as well. That's how Kageyama knew he was competitive. From what he had seen in the matches, he would get angry sometimes too. But it wasn't very obvious or loud. Despite that, he had also been nice, so he wasn't a bad person.

Alisa would be the energetic and bubbly one, the most innocent in the group. She was probably very kind too, her presence was welcoming, just like her eyes. Cheering was something the girl was excellent at, from his perspective anyway. She would probably be the one that the group would protect the most, if anyone hurt her they'd kill them and bury them six feet under. But that did not mean she would and could not protect them and herself, because she could, she was a nice person. If you needed someone's shoulder to cry on and Saeko was not available, she was the second choice.

"So, Saeko, Momo, what is he doing here? How old is he? Is he joining?" curiosity could be heard in Alisa's voice, and Eita looked like he wanted answers too.  
"I think he should be the one to answer those questions, let's all sit down and get to know him better" Momo stated and sat down in a chair next to Alisa. Saeko slapped the back of Semi's head, the gesture telling him to move over, so she could sit next to him.  
He moved to the right with an angry look on his face but didn't say anything, it almost made Kageyama laugh out loud, but he didn't want to be rude to his upperclassman.He himself sat in the sofa beside the other sofa, getting ready to answer some questions.

"So, can we ask some questions now, Tobi?" it was Saeko who asked this time.  
"Shoot"  
"Okay so how old are you?" Momo asked the first question.  
"I'm fifteen, I turn sixteen in December"  
Alisa was next.  
"Oh my you're younger than I thought. Okay what do you do when it comes to music?"  
"Well I sing I guess, I've never done anything music related so it's the only thing I am able to do"  
"And you're damn good at it too" remarked Saeko.  
"Are you going to join out practices or what, why are yah here?" Semi questioned.  
"I'm joining practice, I think, at least for now"  
It went quiet after that, but it was a comfortable silence. Those were all the questions he guessed. But before he could open his mouth a final question was asked by Saeko.

"I'm guessing you just finished junior high?" Kageyama nodded, wondering what that had to do with anything.  
"Okay so what high school are you going to attend?"  
Now that was something he wasn't sure about himself, he had to think, which school would he go to?

It was a topic that had slipped hismind completely.  
In the beginning of third year, his first choice had been to go to Shiratorizawa, because it was the best school in the prefecture when it came to volleyball. But then, the abandonment incident happened, and he quit, so it wasn't needed for volleyball. The education was apparently very good and more advanced, and now that Tobio didn't have much else to focus on if he didn't count music, he could probably do good in the fancy school.

Karasuno didn't sound bad either, it had been his second choice in third year, but that was only because he had been told that the coach Ukai would come back. Again, volleyball wasn't a part of his life anymore, so Karasuno was not needed for that specific reason. But it was a chill school, with normal education you needed for the future, nothing extra like Shiratorizawa. It could be good to have something standard for him, a normal high school life.

The last choice he had thought of in third year would be Aoba Johsai, which had been his first choice during the first two years at Kitagawa Daiichi. But during the last year he thought more about how Oikawa had acted towards him, and realized he would be doing the older boy a favor if he avoided his school. But if he didn't join the volleyball club, he wouldn't meet Oikawa or Iwaizumi that often, right? So he wouldn't be annoying either of them, since they were older they could only meet during the breaks.

To add to it, he was more or less over the drama anyway, it had happened years ago. It had affected him the most in first year, as well as third year since he had thought more about his shitty life. But when the last weeks of junior high arrived, his thoughts decreased. Even if only a few days of summer break had gone by, the subject had exited his brain.

Sure, Kindaichi and Kunimi were probably going there, but as long as they didn't have any classes together it'd be fine, right? Although the thought of having to sit next to them made him shiver. In terms of education it was close to Shiratorizawa, which could be good for developing his mind.

All schools were good, so picking in a few seconds was hard.  
"Honestly, I have no idea, maybe you guys could help me pick or something?" he answered honestly.  
"Well my brother goes to Karasuno, so of course I'd like you to go there, but I don't know much about the other schools, so I can't say which one would be best for _you_ " Saeko said while she scratched her head.  
"My brother Lev is also going to go to high school this year, he's attending Nekoma though, so I don't have a clue either" Alisa added, her eyes lighting up when she mentioned Lev.

Tobio turned to Eita, who had his head leaned back while he drew random shapes on the armrest. He wasn't paying that much attention to the conversation.  
"Eita, you go to Shiratorizawa right?"  
That made him get back up very quickly.  
"How did you know that?" he demanded with a shocked tone.  
"I played volleyball before, I remember you from a few matches"  
"Oh, what junior high did you go to?"  
"Kitagawa Daiichi"  
"Wait that's a very good school isn't it, and you said played, why'd you quit?"  
"You've probably heard of it, but I'm the one they called "king of the court", after that thing I got tired of the sport"  
"Oh you're him? But you seem so nice though. I knew there was more to the story. Why'd you do it?"  
"Well, let's just say a lot happened at home, I'm not that comfortable saying what.."  
Silence spread through the room once again, the mood more down than it had been. Blue eyes were staring at the floor, fidgeting with his fingers.

"So... to put it quite plainly..." Semi started, trying to find the words that fit best in the current situation.  
"They painted you as the bad guy even though they didn't know anything about what made you that way? Did they not ask?"  
  
A dry and tried chuckle escaped Tobio's mouth. One that showed disappointment but wasn't surprised either.  
"Nope, they just assumed my life was perfect since I was a "genius setter" according to them" "So they're just idiotic assholes? Not that I'm surprised, Oikawa went to that school but still, damn they're weird. " _Oh we're just going to make you seem like a horrible person without asking about your well-being because we're fucking stupid"_ The fuck is wrong with them" his whiny voice made the everyone in the room burst out in fits of laughter, it wasn't everyday you heard Semi Eita with a high-pitched voice, even if it was to mock someone.

Alisa cleared her throat, holding back the giggling that was trying to exit.  
"I think you should choose for yourself, you still have a few days to think about it right?" her voice almost broke, but she managed to keep it in check.

"Yeah, I don't want the guilt of having you go to a school, only for you to hate it eventually" Saeko said, Momo silently agreeing.  
"Well _I_ think you should go to my school, aka the best school SHIRATORIZAWA DUN DUN DU-"  
"SEMI SHUT UP, STOP MIMICKING THE CHANTS" Momo snapped and slapped the back of the boy's head just like Saeko had, earning a pained and offended expression from him, but he stayed quiet.

"Now, Tobio do you have any questions?" she inquired.  
"Um.. what instruments do you all play, since you all play together right? And do you have any other hobbies?" god he sounded like a teacher on the first day of school, but they'd have to deal with it.

"OH OH GREAT QUESTION! I play the keyboard, but I also love makeup and nail stuff. If we're talking about sports than probably ice-skating and basketball" Alisa was the first one to answer, or more like she took the chance from the rest of them.

"Yes Tobio we do play together, though we don't have any performances if you're wondering. I play the electric guitar, and to add to that I like painting" Momo said, putting up her hands, showing off the red stains on her hands, that were _hopefully_ from paint.

"I'm the bassist, so I play the bass guitar, and as you already know I played football, nowadays I cook a lot though" Kageyama had not expected Saeko to be the bassist, but he could see it now. At first, he had thought she would be the drummer, but since only Semi was left it had to be him.

"You've probably figured it out already but I'm the drummer, not by choice but you kno-" yet another slap was heard, Momo hit the same place as last time, making it a little more painful.

"Rude! But it's true, I'd rather okay the electric guitar too, but we don't have a drummer yet, so I have to take that place, being the only one who can okay the drums" he explained quickly.  
"Well, obviously I play volleyball, so I don't think I need to say much on that"

"Yeah, you're a setter too right? And you're a strong server from what I've seen" there was slight hesitation in the ex-player, since he wasn't sure, it would be humiliating if his memories were wrong.

Thankfully, the setter gave an approving nod.  
"That is correct, you have good memory don't yah?"  
"I like to think so... Anyhow, how old are you guys? I know Eita's either turning 18 this year or next year since he's a third year, but the rest?"

The trio replied at the same time, but Tobio still heard them. Saeko was 21, Alisa was 19 and Momo was the same age as Saeko, 21.

"I think that's all I need to know, thank you for letting me ask stuff in the first place" Tobio said, which made Eita reach out his hand and ruffle his hair. Even if it the gesture wasn't that big, it was normal for upperclassman to do it, Tobio felt like he would cry on the inside. It felt so foreign but comforting, it had been who knows how long ago since he last got any form of physical touch. He had missed it, but didn't show just how emotional it made him. He did not show how it reminded him of the few times Iwaizumi and coach had been nice to him during first year, how it reminded him of his grandpa.  
On the outside, he only smiled.

"You don't have to be so polite around us Tobio" Semi said, his tone different from before, it was softer, not that Kageyama disliked his previous tone.

The comfort moment got interrupted by Saeko who stod up.  
"Anyone want some food?"  
Now that scared Kageyama. Eating, in front of people nonetheless was a big no. It wasn't like he genuinely cared about his looks anymore, even if his perfectionist side was still there, but his body, although showing hunger, would throw up the food immediately if he so much had one bite too much.  
The fear of them judging him for his trauma dump, the small and big issues he had, would not let him eat in front of _anyone_. Maybe someday in the future, if he trusted them enough, he could open up to them.  
The desire to do so was huge, now that he had a taste of what having friends felt like, but it was way too early.

"No thank you, I should get going" he said, which got him a few worried glances, it wasn't late at all, only a few minutes last 12.  
Even so, they nodded and got up.  
"Do you have a phone?" asked Alisa. It was Tobio who nodded this time, once again.  
"Can we put in our numbers than?" Momo added.

Kageyama handed over his phone to the redhead after unlocking it, she quickly typed her number and put the name "Momo🍉" before giving it to Alisa who did the same. She put the name "Alisa🍧".  
Semi's name was "Eita🏐" and Tanaka's was "Saeko🍯".

He got his phone back and walked up to the door, putting on his shoes in only a few seconds, without his hands. Slowly he pushed the door open, revealing the sun that was in the slighly cloudier sky.  
"Well, goodbye for now I guess" he spoke, the same smile on his lips.  
"Yeah, bye, you better come again!" Saeko said, the others nodded and waved.

"Oh and one last thing, Alisa you're from Europe too right?" Tobio added, wanting to test his theory.

"Ah yes, I'm half russian and Japanese, born and raised in Moscow- WAIT HOW DID YOU-"

The door was shut closed, and a now more positive Kageyama started his walk to home. It really was better having friends than being alone, wasn't it?

——————————————— 

Tobio had just crossed the road that separated the main city and the area where the Music house and the volleyball gym were located, when he bumped into a broad and hard chest, making him stumble a bit.  
"OI! Watch where you're going brat" a deep and rough voice snarled.

"I'm sorry" Kageyama apologized not having the energy to fight. When he looked up he was met with hostile, honey-brown eyes that gleamed in the sun light. It was a guy, specifically the one he had seen around the gym a few months ago. The boy was slightly shorter than him, he had short-cropped blond hair, with black stripes on the sides. He looked aggressive, but his unusual appearance was not what caught his eye, the Seijoh uniform on his shoulder did.

Tobio couldn't help himself from the curiosity, so before he could stop his voice the question stuck in his voice came out.  
"You go to Aoba Johsai?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, who could that be, it's definintely not obvious oh no not at all-  
> Okay but I'm having a bit of trouble choosing what school Tobio should go to, so leave your opinion in the comments!  
> Also, school starts tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be able to post next week but I'll try my best. Hope you guys liked this chapter :)

**Author's Note:**

> Well that's it for this chapter, idk how often I will post because of school but I will try my best! I hope you guys liked this chapter :) This chapter was pretty long since I wanted to fit the whole backstory, so don't be too shocked if I don write chapters as long as this one in the future.  
> Feel free to leave some critisism, be nice tho :)))


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